the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think i got beer on your cat.
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