I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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