awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
