you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think i got beer on your cat.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
