Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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