I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
