Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
