Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
