i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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