I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
