she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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