I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
