all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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