You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
