He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
