it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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