Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
