Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize