I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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