I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
