Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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