He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize