I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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