You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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