I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's blow job season.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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