i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize