I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
