i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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