So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
