Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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