i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
