listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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