Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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