How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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