I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize