Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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