I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
