What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
