No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
my god I love twenty year old dicks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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