Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
