Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
