btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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