My friends, they love my intelligence
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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