I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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