Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize