She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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