Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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