I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
