So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
