my mouth tastes like poor choices
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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