So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
