The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
