In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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