tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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