i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
