p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
