If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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