I got chris browned last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
