I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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