i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
