Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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