Just cropdusted the office
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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