he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize