I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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