and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
