I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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