It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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