Me too!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize