you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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