This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
