It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
