the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
