so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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