Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize