I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
