Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
