Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize