Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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