So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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