She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
