he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize