Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
