pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize