Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
