Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
