literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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