so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
