He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she told me i tasted like america
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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