Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
