I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
