you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
