check it out our google latitudes are spooning
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize