Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
