he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
