Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize