glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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