we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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