My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
