At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
