Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
