your parents love me but you hate me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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