I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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