Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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