Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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