his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
