Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
